I think I finally found my kindred spirit:

To Boddah pronounced Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love. relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. God, believe me I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're one. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone.There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be. Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauceous stomach and remember, its better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain

Shark siting on Del Monte Beach

I saw my first Shark swimming not to far off the beach from my back yard. RUUUUNNNNNNN

Ace's Sunday Sermon ~ Heaven

I wonder about heaven. Why do I need gates of pearls and streets paved in gold? Seems a bit decadent doesn't it? I guess the point being that what we value here on this hell hole is just another piece of whatever in heaven. Do you think if we/I make it to heaven, I'll get kicked out for wanting to listen to AC/DC?????

And what's with daylight 24/7? I don't know about you, but I kinda have gotten use to the contrast. My eyes like the evening. There's nothing like a moon reflecting off of the Monterey bay at night. I'm just being honest. These aren't reasons I wouldn't want to go to heaven. (when you consider the other choice) And will our bodies need sustanance like they do now? Will I be able to enjoy BarBQue ribs in heaven?

Preachers say that when you get to heaven, all of the issues you had here on earth you'll just forget about. And I tend to agree to a certain point. I wonder who will be there? Will I be the only person in heaven that looks like Blackie Lawless? (sorry Blackie, couldn't resist) Will I be able to ask George Washington if he thought anyone could be as dumb as George Bush and be re-elected? (wait, Richard Nixon.........) ah but I digress. And remember I'm a republican. I wonder if God had a plan B. Instead of the Garden of Eden, what if it had been a Southland mall? And Eve couldn't go into the "Victoria's Secret shop" ? Will we all get a chance to kick Adam's ass for eating the forbidden fruit? And would it have made a difference? What if just Eve ate it? Do you think God would have given man a break? Truth is, I think Eve took a bigger bite.

I know Stevie Ray will be in heaven as will Rick Derringer; but what about Jimi? Will my dogs Max, Aldo and Buffy make it to great beyond? Jesus said that there will be NO Marriages in heaven. So I wonder why God hates Divorce? Do you think there will be testosterone and Estrogen in heaven? Do you think the Angels will have an attitude towards us dead humans? Do you think your guardian Angel will have stories to tell you about all the messes he/she got you out of?

Personally, I think heaven will be like a job that you finally got that you love. I think it will be hard work in heaven but it will be work that is non-tiring. It'll be like managing the 27 Yankees.

I can't think of heaven without thinking of the parrable of the Twins. For those of you that missed out on this one, I'll republish it just for you. God bless you all.

The Parrable of the Twins:

Once upon a time, a set of twins were conceived.
Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy: "Isn't it great that we were conceived?" Isn't it great to be alive?" Together the twins explored their worlds. When they found their mother's cord that gave them life, they sang for joy! "How great our mother's love is, that she shares her own life with us."

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing. "What does it mean?" one asked. "It means our stay in this world is drawing to an end." said the other.
"But I don't want to go," said one. "I want to stay here always." "We have no choice," said the other. But maybe there is a life after birth!" "But how can there be?" responded one. "We will shed our life cord and how can life be possible without it?" Besides we have seen evidence that others were here before us, and none of them has returned to tell us there is life after birth. No this is the end. Maybe there is no Mother after all."

"But there has to be," protested the other." "How else did we get here?" "How do we remain alive?" "Have you ever seen our mother?" said one, "Maybe she only lives in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good."

So the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear.
Finally, the moment of birth arrived. When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes and cried for joy - for what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.

Ace~ Visionary or Pathetic Tragic Romantic?

It's not easy being Ace Andres. I guess it's even harder being married to Ace Andres. Just ask the former and soon to be former spouse of Ace Andres. Ace is little child with dreams of greatnes and a heart that wants to be responsible and do the right thing. All the time. Why is it that life often has these two goals at odds with each other? It's a persona that really pisses off those close to Ace. Like his therapist, his best female friend, his former musicians, people that expect another album out of him yesterday, ie, his fans, and probably what is left of his relatives.

One word that accurately describes Ace is "passionate". Actually zealous might be even better. But the problem is, he's zealous without a cause. He use to be a democrat, till he started paying taxes, then he became a republican. Now he hates both the democrats and the republicans. They've both sold his country out. He loves God but wonders if God loves him.

He has memories of his parents, and memories of being a parent. Both are vague. One of the best things he credits his parents of doing for him is "making him go to church" when he was in his developmental years. It was an Assembly of God, evangelical church with lots of people falling over in the ailses. When he grew up he joined the Church of Christ where nobody falls over anywhere or anytime. He actually has preached 5 sermons. One of the best things he credits himself for doing as a parent is preaching in front of his children. He has hopes that maybe someday when his boys grow up, they'll actually grow up.

Ace sees life in conceptual terms. His life was never one of tradition (although he loves traditions) He raised himself so he has a Tarzan mentality of life. He's gone through 2 marriages, so it's easy to see that his Tarzan POV is not a conventional paradigm. He wonders where the "Janes" of the world are. He believes in right and wrong, but has real trouble with situational ethics. Since he lost his mother in the 6th grade, he suffers from abandonment panic. Because of this, he often feels he's unworthy, then overcompensates by thinking he's too good. Or at least this is the facade he wears.

How can an individual be so gifted, profound, religious, loving, passionate and creative yet live a life of misery, emptiness, failure, destruction and disappointment?


Such is Ace Andres. Visionary or Tragedy? You decide.

Ace's Guide to a successful Marriage..........

Marry the right person...............

Ace's Sunday Sermon - The Race

Sometimes, like now, I feel like one of God's labaratory rats. Lab Rats get fed. Lab Rats have care takers that are all powerful and see everything that the rats do. Yet, sometimes, for the sake of research, lab rats are allowed to get cancer.

Frequently, lab rats chew off the heads of other lab rats. Either for survival, to gain respect or just because. Some lab rats get Isolated to see their reaction to abandonment. Many of these rats actually get psychotic and die.

I think I'll have a piece of cheese.

Suicide ~ two POVs

Why is it that when life gets so unbearable and the pain is greater than your coping skills, and you put a gun to your head; it's a cowardly suicide that God will not forgive you for? Yet when a soldier is in a fox hole, and the enemy throws a grenade in the fox hole, and a the soldier throws his body on it, it's an act of courage and bravery.

Do the ends justify the means? They're both self-induced deaths.

I guess the difference is; one is giving their life, while the other is taking their life.

Ace's Sunday Sermon - Humillity

And the young rich ruler went away sad as he had great possesions..............

Such was the disposition of the rich young ruler. He asked Jesus what he had to do to have eternal life. Jesus told him to keep the commandments. The rich young ruler said he had, then Jesus said, "If you want to be perfect, go sell all of your possesions and give to the poor."
(see opening line)

What a relationship with God is about is this: You find that thing in life that you're the most passionate about. If you're an artist or a musician, it's your music. If you're an investor, it's your portfolio, if you're a baseball card collector, it's means giving up your 52' mint Micky Mantle. The things we cherish most in life, God will challenge us to sacrifice. It's been that way from the beginning. God calls it your first fruits. Abel gave the best of his flock as a sacrifice to God. Cain gave whatever. God was pleased with Abel's sacrifice and this made Cain jealous. You know the rest. Cain became the first murderer in history.

What ever it is that you love so much that isn't God you must be willing to part with. If you enter heaven, you must enter alone. God wants us to have the minds of children. The innocent mind of a child. We are to be childlike, not childish. Throughout the Bible, one theme runs constant, God opposes the proud, and gives grace to the humble. The meek shall inherit the earth. Don't you dare cause one of these little ones to stumble. It's about humility.

None of God's greatest servants ever asked "What's in it for me?"

David in 2 Samual came close when he counted God's people as his. God dealt with him very harshly.

We have just this lifetime to figure out that we are here for God if we want to see heaven. It's not the other way. It never has been. If this is the only life you are interested in, knock yourself out. God won't stop you. Just keep in mind that on judgement day; every knee will bow before Christ Jesus.

The way to heaven is through the narrow gate. The way to destruction is through the wide gate. Few will enter through the narrow gate. One of satan's biggest lies is that it's easy to get into heaven. Read read read your bible people. You have to be focused on heaven. You will "Press" your way into heaven.

Am I talking about good works? No. I'm talking about faith. Faith with works. As James says, faith without works is dead.

What have you done to show God that your faith is real and strong?