Saturday, November 20, 2010

Life is a collection of scary YouTube videos.

I was going to make a YouTube video of a re-creation of my memories of my mom driving off with another man while leaving me on the side walk alone. It's not one of my more proud moments, but nonetheless it's there in the back (sometimes front) of my mind. And like YouTube, I can't erase it.

In real life, there are certain triggers like this that set off an emotional chain reaction.

Ya I was that little kid watching his parent drive off. But in my case it was my mom leaving with another man.

I know we all have our own mental YouTube videos that we can't erase or keep from playing.

Why is it that the painful Videos seem to outweigh the happy videos. I have to really stop and think about the happy ones. But the painful ones seem to come knocking on my conscious mind's door. Before you know it, the 10 second commercial has passed and you're reliving something really hurtful like something that was said in an ugly divorce. May it's rejection from someone you totally love. (You walk away saying,"Well at least I know what it's like to give love".

I guess if our painful memories were really YouTube Videos that popped up and started playing, before long we would just hit the close button as if we were sending something to the Norton Spam folder.

But with anything in life, it all depends on your emotional bank account. Listen to this, Sociologist claim that we want to watch the video because the pain that it invokes keeps the relationship alive. In a way, it keeps the abandoning parent alive. It keeps the rejecting mate "fresh". In a self-destructive sort of way, we want to hold on to every last memory good or bad.

It's just how it works. Don't ask me for answers. I spend nights going through my emotional play lists.


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