Another Fucking Christmas

Another Fucking Christmas

By

Ebeneezer Ace

I think Christmas is a wonderful time of the year, especially if you’re a kid with two “caring” parents and especially if you have lots of “caring” relatives.   By the time you’ve gone through your first divorce; it changes your paradigm, ergo the “Magic” of the season changes as well. 

 

What I’ve found Christmas to be in my older years, (Once the kids have left) is that each Christmas starts getting compared to the ghosts of Christmas past.   Once the relatives have all died and the innocence of the nucleus family has been shattered by divorce, you’re left with memories of what Christmas use to be.  I won’t bore you with my fucked up childhood as my alcoholic mom died when I was 11 and my father who was 50 years older than me was in an awkward position after her departure.  So as a 12 year old kid, if I wanted a Christmas tree; I had to save my allowance, lunch money and wash the neighbor’s cars to get the 10 bucks for a tree.  At that point it was just my father and I in a 2 bedroom apartment.  So at the age of 12 I wanted to recreate the kind of Christmas you see in the movies. 

 

It was this attitude that encouraged me to marry at the age of 23.  It was more about replacing the family that was torn to shreds by the bottle.  Be careful what you hope for.  I would say the best Christmases would be when my two boys were small and Christmas was more than just a day but a Campaign.  I think we actually had several years that were somewhat “Griswoldish” in nature.  I wish I could remember them better.  ( I didn’t get the photos in the divorce).   But at a certain point, Christmas turns into finding the popular Christmas gift for that season.  I remember, Teddy Ruxpins, Laser Tag, probably one of the most memorable Christmases would be the year I had to put together a spring “Hop along” Horse.  Then it was Big Wheels, Surf Boards, and mountain bikes and so on; it was fun spoiling my boys in a way I wish I could have been spoiled.

 

To quote Arnold Swarzenegger in The Last Action Hero: “What do you know? You still have your first divorce to go through.  When I heard this line, it really resonated in a mysterious way”.

 

In America, getting divorced between 37 and 42 is like having your wisdom teeth pulled or your tonsils removed.  It’s going to happen.  When it does, Christmas, New Years, Easter and Birthdays are never the same. 

 

I might add that this scenario is truly unfair to your second marriage.  So, just as the 12 year old Ace that saved his allowance for a Christmas tree; I find myself trying to do the same things I did when I had a 5 year old and an 8 year old who woke up at five in the morning to see what Santa brought.  You can’t recapture that innocence.  What’s worse is the older you get, the more thoughtful your gifts need to be.  You sort of need to start thinking about Christmas in April. 

 

Otherwise, you’re just buying shit for your partner and after a while it shows.  I might add that I did well this Christmas.  (In giving as well as receiving).  But I’m getting really tired.  Maybe it’s 5 years of an Idiot in the white house.  I’m just really tired.  I hope everyone reading this had a great Christmas.