Tuesday, November 29, 2011

THE RELATIONSHIP - Part 2 The dynamics

Part 2: The Anatomy & Dynamics of a Relationship

We call it a relationship. But as the Author Stephen Covey writes: "In the end; everything in life is about relationships". He's talking about how every thing, person, institution, attitude etc... is all a relationship. When we talk about Love, we are talking about a special relationship. But what exactly IS this relationship.

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.


In a boxing ring there is a relationship from one corner to the other. At the sound of the bell they both come out intent on punching the other's brains onto the canvas. This relationship is built on contracts, training, ticket sales and of course pride.

In some houses the above relationship exists. This relationship is built on a contract (sometimes) disappointment, accusations of unfairness and yes Pride.

In college a couple meets and wants to be together every minute of the waking day. Their relationship is built on the hottest sex of their lives. It's al physical so it doesn't matter if the other person is trustworthy, respectful, faithful, or cherishes the partner, there is no pride in this. It's just Meat and greet. Trust is there in the form of a clean STD blood test.

Another couple in college meets. They talk about values, religous or Spiritual beliefs. They discuss their majors. They ponder the future. They're searching for evidence of any RED FLAGS. They talk about monogomy. They talk about procreation (as opposed to sex) They talk about this world and if it's still a good Idea to bring children into such a deteriorated culture. They feel in their ability to talk openly that they can "trust" each other. Each is interested in the other's Ideas and shows respect for their thoughts. They both begin to feel that if the relationship grows, they can count on the other. (an act of faith) and lastly, they begin to cherish each other. A small beam of light almost like a life force shines like columnar laser light between the two. They don't know it but it's the white light of love.


Let's look at the BIG picture. A relationship is the act of two entities relating to each other.

We can look at the linear relationship between point A and point B. We'll call this a consecutive/close relationship. Examine the linear relationship between point A and point Z. One might think the relationship between point A and point Z is a distant relationship. What if every other letter of the alphabet is outside of a circle (A,C,E to V, X, Z are in the circle and B,D,F to U, W,Y are outside of the circle) The dynamics change and A and Z are within the circle and A and B are Separated by the circle.

IN A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP - These factors are endless. The circle could be education, finances, ethnicity, personal experiences, personality, Spirituality etc...


Ok. We've heard the saying: "Birds of a Feather Flock together". (Point A and Point B) Well, what about the saying: "Opposites Attract"? (point A and point Z) Both of these "RELATIONSHIPS" work. If point A and point B both enjoy the same things, they can build a perfectly "routine" yet safe life together. But what happens when point A has a cappucino with point Z? Point Z likes new things. Point Z takes point A to a political rally. (Something point B fears) All of a sudden point A shifts to point K. The truth is: "We shift our linear dynamics every day. Though we may be comfortable at point A; over time we notice the fine line between "comfort" and "boredom". Does this mean point A divorces point B and moves in with point Z. No Way ! If there is sufficient Love in the relationship, point B will be OK with point A's new friend and hobby. This is what makes LOVE so special. Love is the glue that holds a couple together when the dynamics of the relationship are stretched and or "Stressed".

The Key to the solution is Substance within the relationship. That substance is Love. With Love the relationship has Freedom and Trust. Without love the relationship suffers jealousy and emptiness. Your relationship should have a solid table with Love as the Table top and four solid pillars as the legs supporting it. A pillar of TRUST, one of RESPECT, FAITH, and the fourth of CHERISH. Your table of LOVE must have these elements. Just "Being there for the other" won't get it.

How many pillars does your table have? What kind of Table top is it? Balsa wood or Oak?

TIME OUT - More tomorrow


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