Monday, April 21, 2008

Divorce and it's effect on Children

One thing that children think no matter how much you try and convince them is that the divorce is their fault. Children use child logic and assume that at one point mom and dad loved each other enough to marry each other. They define marriage as something adults do when they love each other. They also understand that this was a happier time before they had children. Now they hate each other and by deductive logic, the only new thing that is ruining their love for each other must be the child.

Like I said, this is child logic. The truth is, mom and dad or mom OR dad is putting selfishness ahead of their child's life needs.

Enough can't be said for Abandonment syndrome. It follows a child thoughout their life. On the mild side of the syndrome, The adult of AS will be driven anytime he or she loses something like a pair of sunglasses or the car keys. The search for the lost item is a subconcious satisfying motion that let's the person look for their lost item. They see their parents or their ego as being the lost item. In searching desperately for the sunglasses, they emulate searching for their lost parents. However annoying this is, it's nothing compared to the other end of the spectrum of Abandonment syndrome. Suicide. But understanding these subtle effects help outsiders and potential divorcees understand how deep the level of separation effects the child.

The argument that a child is better off living with 2 separate happy parents than 2 hostile parents in the same house is a flawed paradigm. Divorce teaches children how to run from their problems. Divorce teaches children that their parents love themselves more than they do their children. Sadly enough, divorce warps a childs view of interpersonal relationships. They either steer clear of the mess called marriage, or they run and cling to find someone to love them better than their parents did. Both are unhealthy views of love. Keep in mind, Adults have the choice to stay or leave. A child does not. If you can't stay with your miserable spouse until your kids are old enough to leave the nest, then you are an irresponsible parent. I don't care what the reason is. The only reason for not being in your children's lives is that you are either a prisoner of war or a guest of the state.

Tomorrow; the only acceptable reason for divorce.

Ace out.................


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