Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Reasons I'm seeking a new Job:

Highlightls of assisting in surgery:

1. I once helped with an "Enucleation" at Kasiser Hospital in Santa Clara. For those of you not familiar with the operation; it's the removal of an eye. And infected one at that. The doctor clpped the optic nerve and drop the eye into the palm of my hand. I had to grab it like a mushy cherry tomato and stick it in a small jar. Yuck. I didn't sleep well that night.

2. I was at the catching end of an AKA. (Above Knee Amputatation)At Merrit/Summit Hospital another infected piece of the body that had to go. So they sawed off the leg above the knee. I had to catch it by the ankle and back of the knee then stick it in a black garbage bag. Not only was this aesthetically disgusting, but sad as well as this kid (I think he was around 20) will never slam dunk again.

3. On my way home from a certain surgery center, I was asked to scub in and help a doctor excise a Barthalon cysct. For those of you guys that have no Idea where the barthalon gland lays, It's in the vagina. It's along the sidewall. Why is this so disgusting? It's filled with anaerobic bacteria that is usually under tremendous pressure. I recall the female doctor cutting the cyst wall with her scissors and the bloody PUS,YES PUS, Or purelent drainage went flying everywhere. After racing to secure the blood loss; I had it in my hairnet, my goggles, my exposed face and neck and even on my shoes. Now, I have over the years, developed the sensitivity of a garbage man or coroner, but the smell is something that you're never ready for.

4. Speaking of pus; I recall holding a patients tongue out of the way as we lanced his pus pocket over his right tonsil. (peri-tonsillar abcess) Now think Barthalon cyst only with 10 times the velocity. The pus flew out of the office and hit the other side of the hall outside the room. Once again the familiar stinch of anaerobes filled the air.

5. And last but not least, (Let's see Terry Anderson beat this one) I assisted a general surgeon on the extraction of a HUGE Cumcumber from the upper rectum of a guy that just simply had too much time on his hand. When I say huge, I don't mean pickle jar size; I mean state fair blue ribbon size. I'll leave the after math scenario to your imagination.

Now I know why Terry Anderson paints houses for a day job. I could go on and on but sometimes you need to stop when you feel you've made your point.

Oh one last word. If a doctor tells you that you need Moh's surgery, run like hell. One of the most saddening, stomach turning, reconstructive surgeries I've ever seen is the reconstruction of a nose that has been lost to cancer.

They make very good glass eyes. They can put cheek bones in your face. They can even do convincing flap rotations to fill in parts of your lip lost to trauma or cancer. But if you work in the petroleum industy beware. Cancer in the nose is pernicious. After the cancer is removed; the patient has a big hole in their face were there nose use to be. One of the first creative techniques was a scalp flap rotation. They took a 1" wide strip of skin from between the eyes and went straight back into the scalp. Once the skin was brought down to the nasal area, the skin would grow hair making the patient look like a gerbal. Skin from each cheek would be advanced toward the flap and some sort of synthetic strut (silastic) would be used for support. The end result was that you still wanted to get rid of all of the mirrors in your house. Burkas didn't seem so bad and you would go through the rest of your life living the life of "dark man".

I'll save my stories of the 2 O.R. deaths I witnessed; and the patients that had the wrong side operated on for another blog entry.

Ace out....................


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